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Cheers. I'm mostly annoyed at the spark who replaced the CU and did the EICR. He had every fitting and socket off near enough. He should have sleeved it. In fact, the two black wires were screwed into one screw connector/terminal block thing. This is the second bodge of his. The pendant in my office wasn't even fixed to the ceiling, just held up by the wires.
I'll admit I kind of know why the fix worked, but I'm still struggling with how it didn't explode more when it was in the wrong configuration. I'll need to draw the circuit out when I can be arsed to see what was actually going on. Anyway, all wago'd up and the connection from the circuit to the length of T&E is in a choc box in the ceiling. I hope that wasn't a stupid thing to do.
The other bollox was finding the bastard roll of earth sleeve I bought months ago. Of course it was in the letter rack. But I didn't see that before emptying EVERY tool or shed related box in the house.
Bingo. Wasn't sleeved. And had sat for so long I totally forgot about it. As soon as I worked it out I remembered thinking back to myself 6 months ago saying "I need to remember this....".
I just went black to blue and red to brown. Was easily fixed, and thank fuck for the new CU unit we got a few months ago. However, note to self, test everything before putting the whole bedroom back together in case you need to go into the floor again.