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  • That some fucker just stole our milk. I heard the gate and the chink of glass but by the time I got the door unlocked they'd gone. 4 pints.

  • We don't have either. I'm not sure it would help unless it was a recognisable neighbour and I know almost all our neighbours. They are more likely to offer me milk than steal it.

    I did run after the only people in the street, in my dressing gown and slippers (one joy of middle age is the lack of fucks given to what you look like when shit needs to be done). It was a mum and son with a shopping bag. Asked them if they saw anyone and they said no. They probably took it but what can you do? Can't demand they open their bags to prove it.

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