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the 12 hour work days will put a dampener on most other things
Trivial change, but leave the phone charging in another room. I sleep and get up more quickly when the phone isn't a couple of feet away. If you need an alarm clock, buy a cheap one
And to echo smithchild - try not to focus on the 45km you've not done (which is, by most measures, a tough challenge even if you're well rested and stress free). If it's not something you're in the right place to do then it's just going to add a bit more stress. After a couple of years of long distance / Ironman triathlon then I still feel I 'should' be doing more even though I don't have any races in the calendar and don't intend to do another IM. That's in spite of cycling a few times a week, running a few times a week, going to the gym a few times a week and trying to rehab a back injury. It's not helpful.
Focus on the sleep - get any little 'hacks' (phone in another room etc.) to try and make good habits easier to follow. If there's any way you can take a few hours back from work each day then that'd make the world of difference. And otherwise just run when you can and don't worry about when you can't. It'll come back.
duncs-
This is a very good idea. Sleep has always been a problem for me and I'm not helping it by having terrible habits. I have one of those sunrise alarm clocks so I will leave the phone in the other room and try to wake up to the alarm clock instead (I also have two cats so it's not like I have a chance of sleeping in, ever). Cutting down the work day is the dream but tricky at the moment - I have a week off next week though so will try to use that time to refresh and reset.
hats
Really really struggling with motivation at the moment. I'm doing a silly challenge this year where every month we add 5km to a run, so this month I should have done a 45km run. But I just haven't been able to face it. Most of the time I can't even face a 4.5km run. My day consists of: wake up early - doom scroll in bed - eventually get up and rush to get to work - work 12 hours - go home - feed cats - eat dinner - doom scroll a bit more - lie awake in bed feeling anxious.
It's just so frustrating as I have time (I could cut out the doom scrolling! some of it anyway) and it would help me sleep better and feel less anxious (plus the weather is finally nice for running) but the last few times I've run, I've just ... stopped.
Anyway I don't really have a question, I'm just feeling pissed off about it and wanted to vent here. As you were.