Any question answered...

Groom is pretty much all about thank yous, how beautiful bride/bridesmaids/mothers look, how lucky he is, etc

Too many speeches from blokes at weddings, do a joint one with the bride.

As @aggi says thank anyone that did more than turn up and then thank everyone for turning up

-Welcome and thanks to all for attending. Special thanks for anyone who helped with organising, it’s turned out fantastic etc.
-Thanks to each immediate family member and extended family if they’re close, include anecdotes if relevant to marriage or the groom’s or bride’s positive self-development.
-Special thanks to bride’s and own parents. Thank bride’s parents for raising such an amazing daughter, and for welcoming groom into the family. Easy charisma points by pointing out that the mothers and sisters look lovely, and the dads and brothers look, all right, as well (if one of the men might be sensitive about their appearance just say they all look really sharp).
-If any deceased family members or
close friends, mention that you wish they were there in person but you know they’re there in spirit.
-A brief Family-rated recount of how couple met, avoid exes unless it’s impossible. Can specify whether it was love at 1st sight or took time to mature, characteristics that drew groom to bride, and moment he decided he wanted to marry her.
-And the Bride, by name, what’s amazing about her, why she’s inspiring, what small quirks of groom’s she puts up with, how they complement each other and will help each other grow individually and as a couple, what parts of their future they’re both looking forward to the most, and how unforgettably beautiful she looks. Finish by saying reaffirming love and devotion, such as something from the vows that doesn’t reference death or anything sad.
-Propose a toast to the bride and to everyone gathered today.
Boom, winning speech done.

On humour- keep it classy, play it safe. No sex, no drugs, no exes, no mean comments or anything that might be misconstrued as offensive, even if it’s absolutely hilarious this isn’t the moment. If in doubt, leave it out.

If it’s under 5 minutes and bereft of insults everyone will love you.

'My wife and I' for an easy cheer to kick things off

I got married overseas, there was not many people in attendance, and I am not a fan of tradition for traditions sake, so I didn't do a speech on the day.

A few months later we had a "wedding" party in the UK, at which point I also didn't make a speech.
MrsDeth did.

I didn't have a best man, so none of that shit either.

My advice, don't feel pressured into making a speech.

If i was to write one now it would be:
"Hello, some of you might know me already, but incase not, I am DethBeard.
Thanks for coming"