I hate

We had a tiny wedding with two witnesses then we had a big party later that night, two unconnected events... Parties are great, weddings are shit...

I hate all the fucking instructions that go with weddings. Old friends got married up in Scotland somewhere years ago and the invite included a whole list of dos and don'ts. The service was in a small church in the town and there wasn't room for everyone - my ex-wife was on the A list and I was on the B list - fair enough, but the B list was told what time to turn up at the church to be there as the happy couple emerged, so that we could throw confetti, take photos, etc. A bunch of us just went to the pub, got bladdered, missed the church, missed our ride back to where the reception was and missed half the formalities.

I dislike the emotional blackmail of it all. You must come. You must get dressed up.

The last big wedding I went to was black tie in London right before Christmas. I had a good day but I could have well done without the expense and driving home on Christmas Eve.

My cousin's first wedding, we arrived at the hotel the night before to find my aunt shouting abuse at the bride-to-be because she was the only member of the bride's family that my aunt was still talking to. The two families patched things up for the ceremony and seemed to be being amicable at the reception, but what my aunt didn't know was that two of her close family, who had come over from the U.S. with their two young children, had been blocked entry to the reception and were headed for the airport. The bride's family hadn't counted the two children in the dinner arrangements (don't know whose fuck-up that was) and when the hotel staff asked them what to do about this, their response was "let the parents in but we're not paying extra for the kids, so no food for them". Hence immediate departure.

I was on a table populated entirely by friends of the groom, positioned right by the entrance to the reception room so we knew exactly what was going on. We could see my aunt, at the top table, being very polite and friendly with the father of the bride, a man she couldn't stand. We knew what she didn't know, that she would find out at some point during the evening. and that the fireworks would be stellar. The bride's parents had paid a guy to video the whole event, so obviously whenever he came near our table we talked about nothing else but the exclusion of my aunt's relatives.

So the two families weren't talking again by the end of the day and my cousin dealt with this by not talking to his parents again until six months later when he rang them to say the marriage was over.

Top quality entertainment and I would have been willing to travel further than York to see it.

Tell you one thing, going to a wedding single is a shit load better than with a "significant" other.

I shall be watching several folk fall out with their partners this Saturday in fact. Smugly.

Chevrons to infinity. Fuck marriage and fuck weddings

Divorces are much more fun...

Podcast hosts who use the phrase 'Let's dive into that' while interviewing a guest.

I’m jumping back into the marriage pissing contest…I played in a wedding band for about 10 years, I have seen shit you wouldn’t believe.
Weddings depend entirely on how vile the families are. It’s that simple, some families are lovely and nice people’s weddings go well no matter how much money they do or don’t have. You can have the odd mental dowager Grandmother, or dipso’ Uncle, a good time will be had by all.
If you family is more than 40% wanker, just have a private ceremony far far away

I quite like weddings, if anyone is struggling to get anyone to come to theirs. Just cover my travel/accomodation.

I went to a wedding where the highlight/lowlight was the bride getting so drunk she pissed her wedding dress and got off with one of the ushers. Was also notable for the number of fist fights that broke out at the reception. Wasn't a great day out.

Sounds excellent tbh

Me too, I'm great in a room full of boozed-up strangers. Lots of misanthropes on here...

Lots of misanthropes on here...

Bang on, humans are hideous creatures...

The best weddings are the ones where you don't know anybody there. Its only weddings with friends or family that are shit.

I went to something like three weddings the year after I left my ex-wife, one of them was in the same US city I'd got married in almost six years to the day after my own wedding, I was best man, masochism Central... Also got asked to DJ at another two, didn't want to be at either but felt duty-bound, fucking miserable affairs... Turned me off for good, probably just PTSD...

Around the time of the aforementioned wedding in Scotland, I also went to a wedding more sensibly in central London - the groom from an Irish family, the bride from a Scottish family, all of whom lived somewhere in the further reaches of suburban north London. They had helpfully arranged a large coach to take all the family members home from the reception and drop them off at various pre-arranged points. Five minutes into the journey one of the Scottish family started up a round of "It's a Long Way to Tipperary", to which one of the Irish family objected - an exchange of insults led to a full-blown punch-up. The coach driver pulled over and refused to move, leaving everyone to pile out and continue to the row in the street until the police arrived.

No one told the happy couple until after their honeymoon and the dispute rages to this day.

driving home on Christmas Eve.

You and Chris Rea, mate

vince-vaughn_owen-wilson.png

His lyrics don’t mention stopping at Beaconsfield to drop his guts after far too much red wine.

I believe its very much implied.

stopping at Beaconsfield to drop his guts after far too much red wine.

Cracking album cut that one

It was actually on the toilet-themed album he did in collaboration with Dire Straits called, somewhat predictably, Dire Rea.

Looking forward to yours

I seem to have had a decent run with weddings. I mean, the suit wearing thing is bullshit and maybe I'm too wasted at most to really judge but I don't remember too much bullshit going down at any of them. Maybe you lot just need a stricter dickhead cutoff for your friends/rellos?