Car appreciation... the aesthetics, the engineering, etc

I love how this has turned into a critique of my much loved blueish silver (not beige) Civic!

they made it look both beige and sci-fi at the same time

You're right @Dammit it's truly a genius piece of design. Very normcore.

excellent build quality and reliability

In my period of owning it I've had to buy a new battery because the old one was knackered. Outrageous. It's sailed through every MOT it's ever had except 2014 (hand brake efficiency only just met) and 2016 (insufficient screen wash).

I honestly don't think there's a car which would better meet my needs, specifically:

1. Can fit two bikes in the back while still having loads of boot space (thanks magic seats)
   
2. Has a big boot because DIY
   
3. Can do 50+ mpg on long trips
   
4. Is well built and incredibly reliable
   
5. Isn't too big/wide (we've got busy on street parking and I often need to squeeze in to tight spaces)
   
6. Is ULEZ compliant
   
7. Cheap as chips
   
   

If anyone has any suggestions on that I'd be genuinely interested as it won't last forever (although it's only done 75k which is mid-life for a Honda).

Anyway, I texted the nice lady and said the cheapest way I can fix it is to buy a tidy secondhand wheel and a tidy secondhand bumper and fit them myself, and that shouldn't cost more than £200. That seems reasonable to me.