Sort-of memes that are cracking you up at the moment

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Mate got caught eating the out of date ice cream that he should have been throwing in the bin at cineworld and they threw the book at him. He was asked to come in for a meeting with the managers and for some reason thought it’d seem professional to bring a briefcase & wear a charity shop suit. Got the sack.

He should’ve doubled down and said the pay packet and unsociable hours left him no choice but eating expired food out of the rubbish bins.

Similar experience in my time working the snack stop at Belfast Zoo. Never pinched a penny, even tho they took any discrepancies out of your wages. Did an 8 hr shift on a bank holiday without so much as a pee break and made less than a pound. I could and should have been skimming like a bastard. Most I ever took was a packet of Tudor crisps. And not even Tudor Specials. This lot (alright, their ‘friends’) are all scumbags.

I used to work in Snow and Rock years back, we were always told not to really do anything if the alarms went off - if we chased or anything and got injured it became an insurance / liability problem or something. Maybe that's different for security guards

You probably know the bus/train station I'm talking about. I think the same folks still run the shops there. I was working there the day of 9/11. Had no idea until I got home as we just used to play Iron Maiden off copied CDs all day.

I was a weekend lad at B&Q in the late 90s. Most of us jumped at the chance to chase shoplifters through the car park, it was the most excitement we were likely to get.

On the subject of obvious looting, the Co-op in the ground floor of our building gets utterly rinsed by the kids from the school next door every day.
To call it brazen is an understatement and the staff do nowt.
My partner recently asked the store manager about it. The woman shrugged and said they decided to get rid of the security guard as they cost more in wages each than the value of the thefts.

So yeah, Billet Rd Co-op E17 people literally fill a basket, walk out with it and come back the next day and do it again. It’s wild.

It doesn’t sound like they’re that fussed but some stores will let repeat thieves reach a certain threshold to hit them with harder charges.

A friend worked in a leasure centre and one of the staff used to skim. Everyone knew it and they ended up investigating it. They carried on doing it, because they reasoned if they stopped it would be obvious it was them. The manager had a fit when they counted up and they were down again.

Idk if they got caught as my mate stopped working there.

Cineworld are criminals themselves

Isn't there a stand up bit somewhere about popcorn?

The markup would make a pair of designer shades look embarrassed.

In Jarrolds in Norwich two blokes put on brown warehouse coats, walked up to the 3rd floor home department and carried an £800 settee down the stairs and out to a van.

When I worked in a large rock club, we were only allowed to drink water on shift, I used to make myself some pint glasses filled with a few shots of every clear spirit, then topped up with a clear WKD, was often more smashed than the customers, especially when I'd drop a pill a little early when finishing at 0200 but staying for the all nighter.

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Never pinched a penny, even tho they took any discrepancies out of your wages.

I remember not long after I started at Asda I got called in by the checkout supervisor to talk about the discrepancies on the tills I'd been on (I was a trolley boy but jumped on tills as and when required).

I didn't think it sounded very good straight off the bat but when they told me the tills I'd been on had been between about £50 and a hundred quid down I got pretty worried.

But this was a good news/job well done talk, they were more used to shortages of a couple hundred quid!

I mean, my friend, he also used to nick the odd £20 by not putting occasional drinks through the till until that added up to £20, then not quite putting said £20 into a separate box as they didn't used to go in the till for some reason. He never felt too bad as pay was below minimum wage and supposed to be made up with tips, but skint students and old rockers aren't great tippers.

I'm really suprised Halfords didn't go bust decades ago...

There was a store on the other side of the city that had been built with or had moved into a unit with considerably more warehouse space than the individual store required so every other store in the city had a space in there that they could keep excess stock.

There was nothing to secure a particular store's stock, it was just all just piled into the shelving with locations x-y allocated to this store, y-z allocated to that store and so on so 'borrowing' stock from other stores when yours was short was rife.

We had a van but not every store did so sometimes if you were tasked with going over to the warehouse you'd get a list of things to grab from other store's stock and drop off to them. I'm pretty sure a lot of times that the van made such a trip it also stopped off at the driver's home.

'My friend' used to just walk around Safeways (Remember Safeways!!) and pick up whatever he fancied for lunch then went round the back to the store area and scoffed the lot, even the odd ice cream from the cold store. Empty packets just got stuffed down the back of boxes.
Seeing as these supermarkets and large shops still earn buckets of cash even though there's clearly systemic corruption/looting is probably why they cant' be bothered to really fix it and shows the mark up.

But it's not "here's a QR code to view the menu on our website" is it?

They want you to download an app, fill out all your personal details, hand over your data so they can resell it all while they still have waiting staff and tills that could take your order faster than you can do it via their app, let alone fucking about downloading and setting it up.

Awesome

Live round the corner, will give it a look/loot

Fuck knows, I didn't go places before covid, just figured I'd chat and meme for once, rather than just chat in the memes thread.

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I went to Cineworld several times a week for free for nearly a year. I'd signed up to their member card thing but the silly sods didn't put the direct debit through and it never flagged when I went in there. I only found out when I lost my card and rang them up to get a replacement, guy on the other end suggested we both just forget the conversation happened instead of me owing them a years worth of membership.

When I worked for Habitat someone had a party before she emigrated.
One of the Floor Managers invited himself but nobody thought he would come until we saw him walking up the hill.
She manically shouted “ hide everything!” They delayed him in the garden whist we stuffed it all in a bedroom- kitchen table, chairs, clock ,posters , crockery ,cushions we took glasses out of peoples hands.
She’d furnished the entire flat by hiding stuff in the skip then getting a mate to drive round the back and collect it.

(Next day Floor Manager told the Store Manager we were all on drugs and should be sacked because there was the odd joint going round)

These anecdotes are great

Sort-of acceptable theft that is cracking you up at the moment