Hybrids / bad mountain bikes / insta wagons / bling rigids - please, i beg, no 700c 😩

My bike hummed all the way to the supermarket today. South Pasadena wasn't ready for the vibrations.

I have a new goal.

This is the wankermobile equivalent of a chavved-out Vauxhall Nova having been “driven through Halfords”... In this case, having been chucked through the window of Blue Lug.

Harsh. I like it.

Harsh

This thread is refreshingly honest in that there are a load of complicated aesthetic rules that should be followed, but unlike other threads they're actually listed in the first post :-D

the kona is a good example of what the party expects a 26" mtb to be posted here, the only thing period correct is the frame itself!

i think i may qualify with this... just maybe....

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There’s something about a clutch mech paired with slick tyres that just feels so right on this thread.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a huge compliment and I think the Kona is a stunning example of the genre.

Like Maj said, just quite striking that the thing is festooned entirely with Blue Lug tropes.

the only thing period correct is the frame itself!

Why did you hate my Saracen so much?

Tyres could be cleaner

rejecting your bike was a compliment because it looked like it wasn't designed by a SaaS industry worker with depression,

But seeing how far the party has fallen under its democratised membership, if re-submitted it would probably be approved

i'd also put this in the "functional bike, not porn not anti" thread, definitely has a keen eye to the build and looks good, but i'd lock this up without too many worries, like a stealth camper

I think this is the most misunderstood thread since HHSRB

I understand your pain @Maj ; this is what happens when you start a thread with taste amongst the tasteless people

a wanker bike should make your stomach churn when you go to insure it, you may not have paid RRP for the cnc ornaments adorning it, but you know you would have to if you wanted to replace it.

the laka form holds up a mirror to the fact your grocery shopper would actually be the price of a small electric hatch back or e cargo bike; ultimately, far less practical, convenient or replicable than those options.

if you look at your bike and think "ah yes, definitely neurotic but i could rebuild this if i had to and was provided with the money i spent on it", chances are it's going in another thread, and imo, that should be a relief, for being featured here should be a badge of shame for a functioning, healthy human who contributes to society or has meaningful life commitments.

in this vein, the party here provides a safe space for those who do not have such things, that what gets them from their minimalist mid century modern bed, putting their feet on their stripped back original floorboards (or dreams of it) to their work pc or office, is the thought of what sort of imported trinket can they put on their bike this month, in the hope of releasing a small amount of good brain chemicals . maybe knowing they should find healthier systems than the Instagram algorithm to do this, but accepting of this is what makes their brain tick most effectively for them to function.

https://www.lfgss.com/comments/15990235

An unfortunately overlooked wanker from earlier in this thread. Perhaps missed due to the hopeful wanker-frenzy that ensued initially? I feel this did not get the validation it rightfully deserves...

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for being featured here should be a badge of shame for a functioning, healthy human who contributes to society or has meaningful life commitments.

Oops

Not enough CNC and bags are a bit too purposeful. Suggests it might get dirty, rather than taking a trip down to the local organic greengrocer.

Get some Paul Klampers and a WizzyWorks Carradice-clone.

This is just a bikepacking rig.

please resubmit picture of the bike with either a Waitrose, urban farmers market or barbican within shot to verify the only hill this bike has seen is in highgate, and not the moors

@Maj what's the ruling on minivelos? Few posted early on but nothing in the first post...

mini velos are allowed and follow the same guidelines as any other frame type

2"+ tyres
bling componentry/ bags
no drops

edit: i have updated the first post to reflect this, as we strive to make the rules as clear as possible, thank you for raising it honourable member

if you are new, or haven't checked out our helpful first page guide on what wanker bikes are, what is and isn't allowed, or where to look to get your own wanker bike, please, check out the first post!

Seeking @marcinski

I would imagine the comments above may direct them somewhat... Might there be a picture with the addition of an artisan organic wholefoods market..? I’m sure all the bike packing kit was essential for the Chai Latte/micro brew run ;)

Excellent. I feel like this would benefit from extra bags+better photos but should do the job (edit: US/euro CNC mix, bold)

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