Hybrids / bad mountain bikes / insta wagons / bling rigids - please, i beg, no 700c 😩

This is where big gravel will have the market in a few years.

The more I keep seeing white industries cranks the more I want a set one day, love the mega stack height, must be a proper cushy ride

Attempting to squeeze through the rules dogma despite 26"

Bag spec:

Would put fancy cnc on but then I'd be scared to leave it locked up :/

Is getting your Surly resprayed a fancy colour and then having it spotlessly clean a wanker move?

Aka ‘Doing a Blue Lug’.

Being too scared to lock up is in my opinion one of the main rules of a wanker bike with “it’s too expensive” being the main reason none of them get ridden.

How about if the bike was originally intended to be a lock up bike, then you hung a load of Thomson, Paul etc parts on it and now it’s worth more than your nice bikes?

agreed, the wanker bike gets wheeled into the coffee shop and if not permitted, you take an outside table next to the bike rack regardless of the weather and who you're with

Haha I locked my not-quite-eligible wankbrid a couple of days ago despite being sat 2ft away while loads of others just ditched their skidders on the floor and went straight to the bar without thinking about it

one time, when i met a date in Birmingham, i had brung my bike, a lovely kepler, not a wanker hybrid but a wanker gravel bike. I have to be honest, I didn't see this date working out, I had had a couple prior where the bike was a lovely "oh i better shoot off, forgot my lights", you know the move. this one evening things seemed to be going very well and we both mutually wanted to head from the bar round the corner from my lock up spot.

for fear of leaving it in the work lock up i wheeled it round with us, the whole evening a hope pro4 blaring

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

"ahah nah i do... CLICKCLICKCLICK...so you could really tel..CLICKCLICKCLICK"

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

they very politely commented at various points about how clicky the bike was at which point i shyly informed them about the hub being machined in the uk with 4 pawls and 44 points of engagement leading to a louder, crisper sound and better pickup around the pedal stroke.

somehow that didn't prompt the same knowing nod of approval as it would here.

that evening i had to leave it locked outside of their gated apartment and I could not tell you the stress i was under hoping some common thief did not recognise the frame from that of terry barenstens london hotline videos and want to take home a piece of bike filming history

fair to say next time i took the bus.

the wanker bike lifestyle is not one of compromises

Triggered.

Wanker and anti

Hahaha my latest build, I wouldn’t dare lock it up or ride it now in fear of marring its perfection ;)

Monster gravel cross?
Can a bike be niche and do it all at the same time 🤔
I want one either way

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My wankerish (on a budget - if such a thing exists) cannondale. The main reason I‘d consider this wank worthy is the obnoxiously loud hügi hub which certainly makes me feel like a wanker when riding it. Lots of ano bits including some wanky onza chill pills as well as some poor mans middleburns aka shimano stx rc cranks with a questionable blue chainring and red chainring bolts.

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shimano stx rc

I wish I could fit a narrow wide on that side of mine. Did you have to file off the stupid little bumps on the back of the tabs?

at which point i shyly informed them about the hub being machined in the uk with 4 pawls and 44 points of engagement leading to a louder, crisper sound and better pickup around the pedal stroke

Ha!

Can I play

Edit: while it appears practical, it really isn't as it needs to be within my immediate field of vision at all times.

Edit 2: sorry for 700c

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I knew she wasn't the one when she wouldn't let me bring my bike in

lol

Fit.

But how/why did you delete the ‘BILLY BONKERS’?

This is one of the best bikes on this forum, but I expect Maj will swoop in shortly to castigate you for the vermicelli tyres...

But how/why did you delete the ‘BILLY BONKERS’?

I was wondering this, I bought those tyres based on the name alone, and was happy that they're great tyres second.

Into this sub-sect. Tyres too mucky I fear tho...

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Fatbike?

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Been ridden at least a metre or two on mud - denied surely?