• one time, when i met a date in Birmingham, i had brung my bike, a lovely kepler, not a wanker hybrid but a wanker gravel bike. I have to be honest, I didn't see this date working out, I had had a couple prior where the bike was a lovely "oh i better shoot off, forgot my lights", you know the move. this one evening things seemed to be going very well and we both mutually wanted to head from the bar round the corner from my lock up spot.

    for fear of leaving it in the work lock up i wheeled it round with us, the whole evening a hope pro4 blaring

    CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

    "ahah nah i do... CLICKCLICKCLICK...so you could really tel..CLICKCLICKCLICK"

    CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

    they very politely commented at various points about how clicky the bike was at which point i shyly informed them about the hub being machined in the uk with 4 pawls and 44 points of engagement leading to a louder, crisper sound and better pickup around the pedal stroke.

    somehow that didn't prompt the same knowing nod of approval as it would here.

    that evening i had to leave it locked outside of their gated apartment and I could not tell you the stress i was under hoping some common thief did not recognise the frame from that of terry barenstens london hotline videos and want to take home a piece of bike filming history

    fair to say next time i took the bus.

    the wanker bike lifestyle is not one of compromises

  • I knew she wasn't the one when she wouldn't let me bring my bike in

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