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I was 80kg, genuinely no idea what the wife was but she's not massive. Carrying four of the big ortlieb panniers (stuffed full) and a couple of kilos of tent on the rack too, maybe 20-30kg of luggage? The front wheel was fine, only the rear that suffered. Kerb hopping in Germany and the concrete slab cycle paths in Belgium likely didn't help (kerthunk, kerthunk, kerthunk, kerthunk), but we were definitely careful on our first tour because we didn't know what we were doing and they still only lasted two weeks/1k miles.
@6pt Ok interesting. Do you mind if I ask the total weight of riders plus luggage on these tours?
@motoko Yes that must be a challenge. Is there a 40h hub in 135mm spacing that could be fitted with a 5mm spacer, a la @JesperXT ? That's what I would do. You could also use a longer QR axle if you were concerned about the shortened length of exposed axle for the dropouts, but for example my 135mm Deore hub (albeit 36h) has 5.5mm of exposed axle on each end, so spacing this hub would also produce the same result as @JesperXT's - i.e. 3mm each side.