Overheard at the LFGSS golf club bar

your wok fits under your grill?

handy.

Ah, I can join in the golf club talk now, because my trashed frying pan is le crueset. Actually, both my trashed frying pans are le crueset.

I'm not very good at looking after stuff

Wok is not frying pan method suitable, you want a fuck off heavy iron skillet that's pretty shallow so you can get it right up close to the grill after you've made it unbearably hot.

To avoid pizza base (definitely from no. 2) turning charcoal I spatula technique in the wok; and then onto the baking tray as well.

unbearably hot.

The pizza loves it.

Queue hours spent fucking about with his Ooni while everyone was starving and then turning out one fairly average pizza every 20 minutes and practically expecting a round of applause.

I can’t blame you for being disinterested in this amateur! If you’re gonna bang the pizza oven out, you’ve got to be ready to be firing them out at a pace. And have plenty sides on offer.
I need to get a BBQ so I can actually socialise instead of playing garden pizzaiolo all day.

Also, full disclosure, I’m a certified #pizzawanker

Have them ready before they arrive and reheat them. Even then it’s difficult to pretend you’re not showing off. My household are used to my indulgence, they’re the only ones who have to suffer.

Or just order them in, piping hot, from somewhere that has a proper pizza oven.

I reckon if I had a fired up ooni it'll be one every 6 minutes max. Prep done up front, mate to help with beer and random shit, everything else cooking while you prep the next, just like frying pan method but I assume better for showing off.

The only reason I’ve got involved in this nonsense is that the best pizza shop near me is Dominos. If Franco Manca would move into the provinces I could cancel my golf club membership.

Totally agree. One of the greatest privations moving to Gloucestershire was the lack of Santa Maria. Nearest pizza place that is meant to be any good is Fat Tony’s in Cheltenham. I went once and it was disappointing and it’s 40 minutes away.

I reckon about 10 an hour is about right for me too.

WTF did you do?

Franco is not what it was by a long way.

It can’t have been worse than your pizza!

Yep - this is right.

You’ve not eaten out in Northampton have you.

Not since attending Nene college...

Is that late night burger place still there?

One of them is ... was ... non-stick. I didn't do anything really, just used it for 20 years or so. It's now the pan of last resort, when all other pans are occupied.

The other one, to be fair, is totally fine and bulletproof. So not really trashed as such, just not my "good" frying pan. Bought it for £5 in a charity shop in the late nineties and still looks pretty much the same. That's the one I made the pizza in. Gets used for rough stuff like home fries and things that go under the grill, and for curries, chillies, pasta sauces and suchlike if I want to reduce them fast.

Ironically, my "good" frying pan is actually a very naff Jamie Oliver Tefal one bought cheap from TK Maxx. Does fantastic omelettes.

So want to tell you to fuck off, but know you are right.

That hurts me more than the under cooked poor uneven dough spread pizza that I made.

EDIT when Franco was in Brixton, the pizza guy was from the same village/town as my mum and knew her family. He always gave me great pizza and on a plate not in a box when I wanted take away.

Haha well I never. Not much has changed. The coffee’s better.

my grill doesn’t work unless the doors closed so i’m fucked

My le creuset is all old, and given to me. The frying pans have been cleaned with wire brushes then re seasoned.

Have some cast iron pancake pan and others that are over 50 years old.

Tape the trigger.