Settle an argument for me

This seems as good a place as any to recount my housemate's astounding revelation that he managed to get through the last month on just one roll of loo paper. He knows I'm a sucker for all things green so took me to task on my paper consumption. I admit that besides buying the recycled stuff, I prefer to do a thorough job rather than stint myself on this particular aspect of personal hygiene.
But this parsimony in the paper department did lead to an animated analysis of the best positions. Over the years I've worked out a routine that, 9 times in 10, results in a clean break. It's a three-step method that basically stretches the point of exit in progressive increments:

1. I adopt what I affectionately refer to as the Penseur pose: a noble and dignified stance that evokes Rodin's sculpted subject deep in rumination. I find this helps me get into the right mindset for what's about to come.
   
2. With natural instinct kicking in, it's time for prayer: bend forward slightly, elbows on knees and clasp the hands in fervent supplication. It's important to get the breathing right here, much as women in labour coordinate their inner convulsions with powerful exhalations this technique also encourages the swift ejection of my own 'babies'.
   
3. In a final effort to squeeze out any lingering residue, I double over and segue into The Ski Jumper. This one requires decent hip rotation but the idea is to keep a straight back, chin up, and arms thrust behind with chest almost touching the knees; imagine gliding across Alpine skies, propelled by a jet of... well, let's not be facetious.
   
   

This has been my daily ritual for years now and whilst I accept that it may not be for everyone, the benefits of this particular sequence are confirmed by friends who report positive results. It's worth noting that I remain seated for the entire performance and find it most convenient to scoot a little forward to wipe from behind, front to back.