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  • Shit our sellers left:

    • rubbish
    • Food entombed in a frosted freezer
    • Battered chest of drawers in the shed
    • Less battered side board thing
    • Ash in the fireplace
    • Packs of good quality workman face masks
    • Random bits of engineered wood
    • Extension leads
    • Fucked Christmas tree
    • Several fucked paddling pools
    • Fucked lawnmower
    • Fucked lawn hoover thing
    • Fucked water softener
    • Boxes of books left outside so full of water. Pulp basically
    • Brambles

    I’d have swapped that lot for fish or a cat

  • Ooh, can I play?

    Shit our 90 year old sellers left

    No kitchen, apart from a sink and a built-in cupboard. But that's normal for France.
    Two ugly 1000 litre water cubes, both full, both with broken taps.
    A pigeon shed, made of scrap metal, wood and asbestos sheets, in the nicest bit of the garden. I have torn this down and will be building a summer kitchen there instead.
    A broken rusty freezer, in the pigeon shed
    A whole quarter of the garden given over to breeding rabbits for food. So much scrap iron, metal fences, and chicken wire buried a meter into the ground.
    An abandoned corner of the house that had no electricity or heating and had the door literally concreted closed. Ironically, it's the nicest corner of the house and gets the morning sun. I am going to put my office in the upstairs room.
    Instructions that the condemned fireplace was good to use, and the perfectly fine one was dangerous and shouldn't be used.
    An axe
    2 antique fishing rods
    3 broken shovels and a manure fork
    a roof rack for (I believe) a Renault 4 or a Simca 1100
    A whole winter's worth of firewood in the cellar, which had caused...
    A huge woodworm infestation that cost us 5 grand to sort. We currently have dead beetles falling out of the beams (which I suppose is a lot better than live ones).
    4 random wheels and 7 old car tyres
    2 formica and chipboard cupboards
    2 5 kilo bags of mysterious chemicals.
    Asbestos panels used as wainscoting in the hallway.
    A false floor with 60s Vinyl tiles (containing more asbestos) on the upstairs landing, underneath which is an original medieval wooden floor in mystery condition.
    two PVC and chrome 70s chairs, in poor condition, and a woodworm-eaten stool.
    Horrible wallpaper from the 60s and the 80s
    Brown. So much brown. Everywhere.
    A billionty nettles in the garden.

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