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I'm using 32bit raspbian. I guess I latched onto the usb3 explanation, as that seemed to fit my own observations. I was fairly reliably able to repeat usb cable plugged in ==> fail , no cable ==> boots fine. So I'm pretty convinced it's an RF interference issue or something like that. I think I also disabled bluetooth service from systemd, but at least by itself that had no effect. I actually don't think wifi drops out once it's fine, but another part of the problem is that spotifyd sometimes hangs without fully terminating so it won't get restarted. In which case just repowering the pi would be the simplest option if I could expect it to work.
Pi 4 has been a constant annoyance. I have semi-random but very frequent problems with wifi on the bootup, where if the interface doesn't get up initially then a reboot is definitely needed but the problem can just repeat over a number of restarts. I think I've even tested reloading the kernel module to no avail. Having something plugged in the USB ports seems to affect the issue, which is a pain since I'm using the device for streaming to USB hi-fi DAC. So there's almost always some fiddling required to get things running.
I've found similar reports without any working solutions. Apparently there are known issues with USB 3 and wifi in general, I guess one thing to try would be using a separate USB wifi dongle. I think I should have one laying around... somewhere.
/whine