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Thanks. Care to elaborate?
Looks like my options are hammering on a 12 sided socket, using a left hand thready thing, or boshing on a non-matching key.
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I've done the socket thing, and welded nuts to them. It's a pain in the arse in my opinion. Looks like you can get replacement keys pretty easily/cheapily
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If the car is driveable, and the tyre isn't flat I say take it to one of those aftermarket used tyre places as they will be able to get the locknuts off.
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A good tyre shop would probably have the kit to do it or will know a travelling someone that does. My BiL runs one of his family's tyre shops and they can cope with most things but there is a chap in a van that all the tyre shops in the area call in if they're stuck.
Edit. If you're in the London area: I just found this. No affiliation to me.
https://www.lockingwheelnutsremoved.com/
nauls
lynx
Constable_Savage
Yes, quite easy.