Settle an argument for me

Alfresco defecation throws up challenges.

Nothing animates this forum as much as poo chat

It's nice to think that in these tenuous times this might be the most divisive thread on the forum.

What other part of your body do you clean by rubbing with tissue?

The nose ?
Best done as a separate operation I think.

Arse hose!

I’d like a bidet or a Japanese toilet for cleanliness. I’m a sitter, I can’t believe anyone would stand. Also standers - are you reaching through your legs to get at ‘it’?

Where in all this is @cozey it seems right in his interests

I can't even reach my arsehole standing up.

I'd rather that than the bucket and loo roll approach where every cubicle has a pile of stinky shit rags sat there.

Cant't believe you lot don't wash your bums after a poo. Just a dry wipe and then you go get on with your day. Yukkers.

Have we got any All-Fours wipers up in here?

we as a species generally change our underwear once a day
making wiping pretty redundant imho

I once saw an e-biker peeing into a hedge, he had dropped his trousers and kecks to his ankles his arse free to the elements.

I expect he probably does a handplant to wipe his arse

I think this tells us something

He didn't in the end because his GF and project manager kicked up such a fuss. They also made him get a double / couples sink.

I hope he's using the second sink appropriately! Water does seem like a better option (not least of all for the trees), though I'm pretty sure my showerhead wont reach. Time for a Japanese toilet upgrade...

Good point, well made. Though residual snot ≠ residual faeces in my book

(Edit: metaphorical book - just to be clear)

I find it's easier to use the seashells when standing, so I go for that

Whoah. don't any of you use the three seashells? Peasants.

I can’t understand the mechanics of wiping sitting down. Surely there’s not enough space to get your hand in between the seat and arse to get any purchase.

Then once you’ve wiped you have to then carefully pass the used paper through the narrow gap avoiding contact.

You just lean forward and to the side.
It's not like playing operation with a shit covered hanky, there's plenty of room.

I can't understand the mechanics of wiping standing up. Do you need to part your cheeks with one hand while you wipe with the other? If you've had the shits, do you get a dribble down your leg? Do you have to shake your little guy between your legs before you stand up to avoid drips in your pants? (if you have a little guy)

I think it's more of a semi squat than standing to attention outside the palace

This thread is useless without pics

In that instance I presume the paper would go on the end of the bayonet.

*Surely there’s not enough space to get your hand in between the seat and arse to get any purchase

quite a lot of my fat friends have that problem too -* hugo7

A mate of mine had his mind blown about 8 years ago when he saw the head of another mate bobbing up and down over the door of an outside toilet, he asked what he was doing and had it explained he stood up to wipe which he didn't know was even a thing. We still talk about to this day.

I'm a man who sees where the mood takes me on the day, sometimes I'll stand, sometimes I'll sit. It's all part of lifes variety for me you see.

He tried one of those Japanese toilets, but they're quite pricy and look a bit weird.

If I ever have a bathroom big enough, I'm lobbying for a bidet. They're lovely. Plus they're great for washing your feet after work - which in case anyone hasn't tried it is a lovely, and much underrated experience, (not to mention JC was down with it).

(not to mention JC was down with it).

Don't remember seeing that in the Labour Manifesto