The World's Fattest Man with no bike! aka - find hippy a new bike aka - Just get ( fill in blank )

Also you can go on a ride with your mates and spend most of the time out stopping and annoying them, while everyone waffles on about compression damping

And then when you get to the end of the ride they say "my fork is broken, and it has nothing to with putting 120psi in my fork."?