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  • Spent ages looking for my ruler earlier, gave up and got the other ruler. Half an hour later I discovered the first rule, which I'd put in my back pocket so it would be handy.

  • I spent quite a while today looking for my reading glasses. It turns out that middle age involves not only the need for reading glasses but also a desensitised scalp.

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, oh fuck, there they are.

  • I don't know what's more middle aged. The forgetfulness or two rulers.

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