The World's Fattest Man with no bike! aka - find hippy a new bike aka - Just get ( fill in blank )

I did ask your budget, but you gave no indication

£50?

If you think that road bikes are expensive you may be in for something of a shock when looking at mountain bikes.

"The last time I bought a new MTB was in 2000. Not a clue. Assume off the peg frame/bike with whatever more expensive shit is needed to make it either faster or more durable or comfier."

Does that make it sound like I'd choose a £4k custom mtb over an £1500 OTP? I thought that was pretty clear that I wouldn't be buying bling shit given I don't even know what Boost does.

Dunno how tall you are. Chain reaction and wiggle have the kona unit x in stock in small.

That Kona above costs less than my Shiv's back wheel. So yeah, I think MTBs are cheap. I'm not looking at custom or downhill pro team bikes though am I?

Taller than a Small. I think most of the MTBs I've had (26" old school bikes) have been 18" or so, whatever that means nowadays. 181cm, 30000kg

If you think that road bikes are expensive you may be in for something of a shock when looking at mountain bikes.

You're just paying for what you don't get on a road bike, suspension fork / shock / articulated frame.

Large. Probably.

That Kona above costs less than my Shiv's back wheel. So yeah, I think MTBs are cheap. I'm not looking at custom or downhill pro team bikes though am I?

The Bird Zero AM was £2,200 for good but by no means pro kit, it's got a Deore groupset and a lot of the parts are Bird branded stuff. The fork is good, as are the tyres.

Frame only for the AM is £400.

I don't even know what Boost does

• Marginally stronger wheels (maybe at 30000 kg you might actually notice the difference)
  
• More clearance for tyres up to 3"
  
• 💸 Renders old wheels worthless 💸
  
  

That's basically it but all bikes have it now so you don't want to not have it.

Unless you want Super Boost

Boost+ ftw

You think I'm kidding...

https://enduro-mtb.com/en/super-boost-plus-standard/

That's like half the price of the Tripster frame. I'd spend a bit more on decent forks and scrimp on the groupset components because based on previous experience I tend to smash those into trees and throw them into wheels (or cars).

Wheels, I dunno. Do I want another dynamo wheel? I only just got the last one rolling. Getting wheels built up is a ballache with parts hard to get, etc.

Fuck off. Not another "standard".

It's enduro shit so I'm less concerned. Like 20mm TA and 180mm rotors they're not in my world.

180mm rotors

160s stop my wheels... unfortunately the bike doesn't stop.

I clearly need bigger tyre rotors

You'll have grippier tyres and be on steeper hills, 180s are lickle rotors for one so girthy.

I actually think the Inbred has 180mm.

The AM is 27.5. They don't seem to have any of the 29ers in stock.

160 rotors are for gravel bikes

160mm rotors are for road bikes.

Mmm I shalle name thee... Snot Rocket

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf5xWJV_mCs

One for poor ol' Phil