The World's Fattest Man with no bike! aka - find hippy a new bike aka - Just get ( fill in blank )

Wheelies might be pointless fun, but a manual is a good skill to have.

I've never been able to manual or wheelie for any length of time. I very much doubt I'm going to start now.

I once had a pub conversation with someone who said he loved doing wheelies and was really offended when I suggested wheelies weren't an important cycling skill. He started to insist that he'd aced his Cycling Proficiency, had great memories of it, and was a really good rider, and doing wheelies was part of that. Then I asked when he had last cycled. Tumbleweed. Great embarrassment.