Films

DC continue to fuck up their properties.

I mean marvel have practically given them the playbook for making an enjoyable successful superhero film and it's almost like they're wilfully avoiding doing anything remotely similar and retreading the old tired tropes and dead-ends of the past.

if you watch WW84 and then at the end of the film try to say what the plot was out loud it just seems impossible that anyone who read the script would think "this is the one!".

here I'll give it a go * spoilers ahead! *

opens on a completely unrelated olympic games decathlon type amazon contest that a toddler aged WW nearly wins but cheats a bit and is disqualified, told to git gud scrub.
cuts to 80's jumping over the original film plot. now she is the epitome of 80's superhero tv show star, makes you think the film will be done in a tongue in cheek panache style to mimic the cheesiness, except it stops pretty quick and only seems to come back when they fuck up the special effects in fights so badly that it looks like it's from the 80s.
enter kristen wiig, beautiful woman hidden under glasses and a cardigan so she can become "hot" later in the story. total klutz omg. touches a magical wish crystal and wishes to be like WW. gets all her powers but apparently "exactly like" doesnt include morals and stuff which would stop her becoming baddie later on. wonder woman wishes for her dead boyfriend back, he possesses some random guy and steals his entire life and already fully functioning super hero with the costume and whip of truth and everything is perfectly ok with that, like she sees the guys face whose life has been stolen but they replace him with the image in her head so they can bring the old actor back.

enter main bad guy, after failed ponzi scheme with oil wells hunts down wish crystal but rather than use his 1 wish to just get all the things he wants he instead wishes to "become the crystal" which he acknowledges later that he knew would cause him to start to destroy himself, but his galaxy brain idea is to grant wishes to everyone in the world and even though the original wish stone never did it he gets to add on subclauses to his hearts content right off the top of his head after a person makes a wish. "I wish for a pony" "ok but I get to put a pineapple up your arse, no takebacks" kind of thing. building up to where he will take everyone's health in exchange for their wishes. nevermind everyone is wishing for things that are basically causing the world to end. global thermonuclear destruction styles.

not quite happy with his progress being hampered by having to touch people to grant wishes he takes over the white house who literally just happen to have the plans for a broadcast system laying out on the table for him that sends particles across the world to take over to hijack everything tv related, with the added bonus that these particles just happen to make everything touch everything else at the same time(during a pandemic, thanks my children are dead from covid).

wonder woman fresh from making her plane go invisible from the power of her care bear stare finally catches him but gets beaten up by "exactly the same powers, but a lifetimes less training" kristen wiig and even though it literally didn't work 5 minutes before with an intern he grants Kristen wiig a second wish as reward so she chooses to become (and i shit you not) an even worse version of hallie berry's catwoman, making her even more powerful, but luckily WW nips out and picks up the armour of the toughest amazon, designed to protect her against an entire army, which lasts about 1 minute of claw scratching with the baddie in the big cgi finale which was evidently made on an amiga a600 (without the ram upgrade).

then to stop the worst thought out global domination plan in the (soon to be destroyed) world all she has to do is make everyone give back their wish, which even though every single one granted had some terrible twist attached to it by the bad man still requires her to lasso him and pull the old "get them talking about the plan while being broadcast" trick so everyone gets angry at the guy currently destroying the planet for also being a liar.

but wait doesnt he have to give up his wish too? well luckily he has a plot device... i mean son that has spent the entire movie hanging around so his dad can eventually realise he might die in the nuclear war he just started so he better take it all back.

WW begrudginly releases the soul of her BF's body hostage, and to make it all feel good at the end have them pull a meet-cute that hints at the fact he'll get to sleep with gal-gadot to make up for his troubles.

then because apart from the lasso and the invisible plane cameo it's not actually been about WW very much they throw in an end credits scene where the old ww star from the tv show in the 80s stares in the camera and they go "look its the old wonder woman! except she's a different character in this one, but she's still knocking about and much like the avengers all the way through the events of SHIELD was obviously too busy decorating her spare room to help save the world, although she is having a lovely time at the cafe she's just been having a coffee at"