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Brommers-
Looks like it was indeed the battery. £671.88 for the battery and labour to fit it, which is happily paid for by the dealer I bought the car from.
Now you and I might think that if you'd spent damn near £700 to have a £205 battery fitted then Mercedes Benz Bromley might wash your car ahead of pick up - and you my friend are living in a fantasy world. I have no idea what sort of money you'd need to spend with them for that sort of level of service, but I suspect it's a minimum of six figures.
Dammit
Stop/start now works!