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This is the winner. As someone with few (non bike related) tools and fewer skills, the appeal of just taping the fuckers to the wall is great. I bought some no more nails brand tape that can allegedly support 100kg. I don't think I believe that but I'd be surprised if we ever hang close to 1/4 of that weight from it.
A DIY question from someone not very DIY minded... I need to attach a set of coat hooks to a wall that I can't drill into because there's loads of cables behind it. Any suggestions? Needs to be able to hold dog lead, a towel and a couple of coats I suppose.