Foffa Bikes

Just read this here, and thought it a fitting addition.

On the subject of a mushroom changes its colour to blue when exposed to oxygen:

I'll tell you a true story. One time I picked a bunch of yellow blue-bruising-boletes. I knew that no boletes could kill you, and there were so many around that I was hopeful that they could supplement the rare king bolete find. My sister knows about mushrooms and told me not to eat them. I picked up the thinnest, oldest, picture-free mushroom book and looked up boletes, and it said blue bruising boletes were fine to eat. That was all I needed and I fried a pan full in butter. I started sampling them and it didn't taste good. More butter. Still, that taste. Ugh. Not a good taste.

I pushed a heaping plate full of butter-soaked mushrooms aside and decided to wait a bit. 20 minutes later, what felt like a large eel jolted in my intestines, and then writhed again, with a gurgle. It felt like something was trying to escape me.

I started sweating when I pulled out the next mushroom book and it said: "never eat blue-bruising boletes, as it can cause severe gastrointestinal distress." Then I picked up the next book and it said pretty much the same thing. Then diarrhea started rocketing out my ass every 30 minutes, just a a violent spray of it, not like normal liquid diarrhea, it was just aerosolized. This happened every 30 minutes all night. I slept on the bathroom floor under a single dirty afghan in the fetal position. The next day was a long car trip, and there was no way I could make it 40 minutes between rest stops.

Finally, at 5 am, I pooped out a single, 1.5-inch diameter ball of purple poo poison. It was covered in a half centimeter of thick, clear mucus. I marveled at the ability of guts to produce such an impeccable sphere, flushed it down, and felt perfectly fine.

But now, with boletes, if they are a little bit yellow or a little bit blue and I will leave them the fuck alone.