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I think it’s where you grow up is your normal, as it were- I grew up in Winchester where everything was a walk away. The idea of having to start every journey in the car just isn’t for me.
Dammit-
It's a nice part of the country. I know most of the good places to live around there and Kenley is nice if you have a big place on one of the private roads at a time when you have children and have to work all the hours. I'm not sure you'll find what you're looking for in East Surrey.
Reigate might suit you or Dorking.
Airhead
You're right about no nightlife in Kenley. Caterham on the Hill high street used to have 4 or 5 pubs. If you are not drinking alcohol they might not be the kind of pubs/cafes that you are used to. Its normal to travel to pubs/restaurants in Surrey, you might enjoy a drive in the car. Once you make some friends in a place like Kenley you go to their garage for a cup of tea and a look at their mental car project :)