Owning your own home

Say these freeholders aren't aware of their privilege to ignore a poor waif like myself, what phrases could I drop into conversation so, how you say, shit them up a bit?

You could always point out that section 1 of the Landlord and Tenant Act 1988 imposes statutory duties on landlords where the tenant wishes to assign (i.e. sell) their lease. Those statutory duties might not arise in your case - it would depend on the drafting of the covenant against alienation in your lease - and even if they did apply then they wouldn't require the landlord to fill in an LPE1 form. They might well not know that though.