Does anyone know anything about gardening?

The classic old-school gardening method is use of a garden fork,
making many holes the full depth of the tines
and brushing in sharp sand to allow respite from showers.
Google claims Ruislip had 27.9mm of rain yesterday,
everywhere nearby is going to be sodden after that.

Could relay paving stones on top of a some additional topsoil to raise them up.

Have you got guttering on your shed? If you haven't, you could fit some and have it drain into a water butt, sat on a plinth so you can easily access the drain tap. Then what comes off the roof is not adding to what's on the grass already. Drill a hole for a pipe fitting that can act as an overflow and attach a length of hose to a drain or soak away. I ended up daisy chaining water butts which due to a particularly wet period all filled up with water I didn't need to use.

Cheers.

Really sensible suggestion on the paving stones. So obvious too now you've said it.

I usually cut around them every so often to tidy them up, but actually just raising them would be better. We didn't really like them that much when we moved in, but after the first winter realised why they were there.

I've put one on the back to help alleviate the runoff, and subsequent rot to the shed bearers(sp?). That will get the slim line one sitting randomly in the garden in due course.

I plan to put on on the front too, but it's hard to work out where a butt could go.

We do need to sort out some water butts generally though as we're moving to a meter next year and my OH has already flagged that I can't water as much. The challenge is the WAP of water butts everywhere, and I don't fancy dropping £150 on those nice looking ones which aren't all that big anyway.

We're going to put a small decked section in near the shed at some point, so my dream would be some sort of massive flat water butt that could live underneath with a solar pump.

My mate in Belgium has a massive tank dug into the garden that collects all his rainwater, apparently required by building regs there.

Sure its not a soak away..its usually required in this country too on extension etc.

Yes. It has a pump connected to an outside tap that they use to water the garden.

Sadly it doesn't have a level measuring device other than opening an access chamber and doing something manual.

The classic old-school gardening method is use of a garden fork,

making many holes the full depth of the tines
and brushing in sharp sand to allow respite from showers.

ive literally done this today. But I read somewhere that the sand doesn't actually do anything, so that saved me a kob. In my case it wasn't so much for drainage but to aerate the very compacted lawn a bit and hopefully kill off some moss and encourage some patchy bits to grow. i also raked the lot beforehand and sprinkled over compost and some patch restorer after, so we'll see how that goes

as I went along, i ended up with a kind of 'lift' technique where I ended up almost jacking up each little sod of turf a bit. in my mind's eye it will give the worms a bit of space to get bizzy

Edit: ignore me, change of plan. Apparently Virginia creeper has suckers.

The hedge is dead, long live the hedge.

I had my old hedge at the front and side of the house removed the other day. No idea what it was, but it was straggly, neglected and infected with something nasty. So I need a new hedge.

Originally I was thinking privet, on the basis that I couldn't really be bothered to think about it. However, I've started thinking about it, and I'm now tempted by a mixed native hedge with allegedly bird-friendly qualities. The one I'm looking at is 25% Quickthorn (Hawthorn), 25% Blackthorn (Sloe), 25% Field Maple, with the remaining 25% (a minimum of 5) from Common Alder, Bird Cherry, Myrobalan Plum, Guelder Rose, Hazel, Dog Rose, Common Dogwood, Elder, Hornbeam, Wild Pear, Sweet Briar Rose, Spindle, Wild Crabapple.

Any advice as to whether this is a good or bad idea. Because frankly I haven't a bloody clue.

If it's relevant the hedge is about 24m long, in two sections, I don't want it too high (nipple height would be fine) and A Nice Man will be tending it for me so I don't have to.

I put in a hedge of that description last year against the back wall, it's only about 8m long, planted pretty small whips and it looks a bit shit at the moment.
Total *I have no idea what I'm doing* territory but I love the idea of it and I'm hoping it'll bush out over time. I guess it needs a trim around now.

Someone on here recommended https://www.habitataid.co.uk/collections/trees-hedges

Yes, I'm assuming it'll take a few years before it bulks out. I can live with that - certainly when I look at the price of the instant hedge option. Jeyzus.

Bare root whips look shite when planted, however, if well planted and watered they will establish better than container grown 'instant hedges' and overtake them quickly. The mix above will produce a damned good hedgerow in a few years, don't be scared of pruning harshly, it well help it bush out, be particularly savage with the vertical growth (leaders).

Plant that hedge, wait 10yrs then lay it. Back in my late teens I was a competitive hedge layer until I realised it was basically a way of poshos to exploit us and get their hedge done for free...
*not my work, just first pic I found.

There was a constantly maintained hedge where I grew up in Oxfordshire, on several occasions cars crashed into it, barely damaged the hedge it was so tight and awesome but totalled the cars.

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be particularly savage with the vertical growth (leaders)

I don't want it to really be much above 120-130cm, as otherwise the neighbours won't be able to be well jell of my excellent rose garden. Natch. I'm assuming that will involve some pretty hard pruning every winter. Thanks for the encouragement.

Plant that hedge, wait 10yrs then lay it.

Lay it? Does that involve bending it over and ramming it through a fence? Not sure I have space for that sort of extravagance. It's a rururban/suburban garden, not the set for Death Race #2.

....plus virtual severing of the trunks to allow them to be laid, hopefully @edmundro will be along soon with the technicalities. It can look great in any setting. Be even more savage when pruning roses!

Be even more savage when pruning roses!

No issues there. I've pruned roses before with a hedge trimmer. They didn't seem to mind. In fact, they flourished. Most of the roses in my garden got cut back to 6" stumps a few months ago in The Great Garden De-wilding. Most are now already over 3 feet tall. A couple are even flowering.

I couldn't really be bothered to think about it. However, I've started thinking about it

ha

Back in my late teens I was a competitive hedge

How has this never been revealed on here before?

My only suggestion would be to consider adding some fruits and nuts. Iirc you won't get as many hazelnuts in a hedge, but a few would still be nice.

There are some odd varieties for a hedge in the last 25%.
Hawthorn is a necessary requirement for any UK hedge,
and the haws offer Autumnal food to foraging birds and mammals.
Blackthorn offers, when mature, the prospect of sloes,
but with maturity comes the creeping menace of encroaching a yard per year through the root system. Your 'Nice Man' will (eventually) be busy removing suckers.
Thats a lot of Field Maple, but it is indigenous, but relatively shortlived, so will benefit from the invigoration of being laid/pleached every 7-10 years if you choose this method.

I read the 'minimum of 5' as suggestions for standards, trees left to grow to (managed) maturity within the hedge.
Of these Spindle has some negatives: it is a host to blackfly. The fruit is the jewel of the English Autumn, but every part of it is toxic to humans. You've mentioned nieces.
Maybe sponsor a Spindle via your local Wildlife Trust.

Not this year of course, but I normally have a day with my voluntary conservation group removing garden escape dogwood from the Chilterns.

You will probably end up with Elder in the hedge from bird droppings.
If you get the opportunity opt for myrobalan, hazel, alder (for the iridescent green beetles), wild pear and wild crabapple spaced along the hedge to become proper trees.

If we ever get back to normal, you can organise, in 5-7 years a days hedgelaying for the Forum.
I'll be there.
(Edited: Alder has the iridescent green beetles).

Isn’t @Skülly a hedgelaying aficionado too?

My dad dabbles in it. Looks bloody hard work. Doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that poshos use it as cheap or free labour.

Nope but I’ve had a few goes, and it’s brilliant.

Ed’sright about the landowners. After all, it represents keeping things in and keeping things out.

I’d love to see it become common for urban garden hedges (how I started getting into it, my own mixed young hedge got out of hand and just chopping the top off wasn’t easy to manage. Now it’s a dream!) Highly recommended.

Happy to help out anyone local who’s got some unruly plants, it’s great for filling gaps and creating a living fence basically.