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Airhead
Soul
BMW tech guy showed up first thing this morning...
Rear-wheel angle sensor fault (which meant it didn't fire off the traction control).
Probable cause: the install of the cansmart controller for the LED spotlights.
Not my picture but the bit in the middle of the under-seat area; with two bolts sticking up from it, is the DTC wheel angle sensor:
Apparently, nothing should touch the sensor, or the wires coming from it. Unfortunately, they've placed it directly under the rear seat, with no protection or warning labels, in the only place anything luggage wise or modding etc can be installed.
So now the cansmart controller is wrapped in an old sponge and cable-tied out of the way.
Fingers crossed.