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Found one - a charity bike workshop in Renfrew was selling a couple that had been donated, United something or other, great nick & wearing 2.1 tan walls, paint is flat matt black so it's a prime candidate for a home makeover too, what paint have you been using on your frames - spray bike or rattle cans?
Good call on the cranks - sticking to 3 piece gives me plenty to exclude, even if some of those are at the cheaper end it won't make much difference when I'm on my arse & it's cartwheeling through the air... should be something presentable for cheap out there on marketplace (Jesus I hate that place)