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I'm surprised they don't try to work with a European government whose hotels are largely empty to do quarantine at the departure end given most of the people in your situation would happily sit in a hotel if it meant definitely going home. If they get hold of a mobile lab like they're using at the Tour, they would be able to test everyone in a couple of hours after, say, 10 days and those who aren't positive, onto the plane. Instead, this stuff.
Sea not an option or just concerned you're stranded in Asia somewhere random rather than the UK?
'There are 23,000 Australians trying to get home, and 26,000 empty seats on the international flights which landed last week'