I confess...

namaste

I enjoy gogglebox, only started watching it when pissed and waiting for something else but I'm watching it more and more with less lubrication, I think I like it.

Dead to me

I touched two items of fresh fruit in the supermarket today but only put one into the basket.

Today I skirted around Knights Hill on my fixie and went via St Reatham because I can’t get up the fucking hill any more, even on a 63” gear. I feel very, very old.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think the government has secretly turned up the gravity to encourage people to stay indoors during lockdown.

I did 90 mins on the turbo yesterday and undid the good work by eating the equivalent calories in pringles (a whole tube).

Seems worth it.

I was actually tempted to watch that last month.

I see no guilt there.

Recently our dogs have found bits of rotting badger carcass - the most putrid thing known to man. It is utterly stomach heavingly evil.

Last night my wife was trying to locate the source of a foul odour in the house, dead mouse? No. Dog poo? No. Badger corpse?? Thankfully not. dj’s heart rate monitor? Yes that’ll be it.

I confess I'm excited about receiving this

https://uk.whogivesacrap.org/products/the-play-edition

It's big roll with printed wrappers and a box you can use as a theatre to play with the rolls.

Damn, I got my WGAC subscription delivery yesterday. Wish I'd upgraded to the play edition.

Putting on a mask before going into a shop makes me feel a little bit like an armed robber

No, it's the sawn off shotgun that's the giveaway.

Shotgun = Pair of nostrils.

Mrs Hell has a colleague round the house for school, i have just "made toilet" - pretty sure i timed it well, lit a candle, opened a window, the lot.

2 secs after i sit back down at my desk, guest lady has just gone in there.

i feel terrible.

lit a candle

As a tribute?

It'll all be OK.

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she left rather suddenly.

i should send some fruit or flowers by way of apology.

my eyes are still stinging. the cat hasn't been seen in hours.

Even the Queen shits. This is the Queen's WC in the Royal Box during the meeting prior to the racecourse demolition and big rebuild.

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Apples poop?

When the queen attends events, one of the requirements is that she has her own toilet that no one else is allowed to use. Therefore I conclude that she does really stinky shits.

There was a close protection officer who had a little book with clear plastic pocketted pages of the type you could keep postage stamps. Over the years he had collected pubes he had found in royal toilets and attributed them to members of the family.
"Keep 'em peeled"

I can’t wait for that to turn up on antiques roadshow.