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I have a lot of thoughts about "not being black" which basically boil down to having the overwhelming benefits of white privilege, as well as the absolute privilege of being 'different' (not white) and having that perspective from an early age. It does mean I also get a lot of weird internal conflicts and expectations but I'm so glad, overall. Funny thing to say since none of us can change our roots. But if I try to imagine growing up white it gives me a profound sense of loss.
I was trying to write a response to your questions, but it gets difficult and sticky really quickly. The black community can't answer what is black, because its lots of things and nothing, but mostly its about how those who are of an ethnic background define themselves and the culture they have created/inherited, vs how we are defined by 600 odd years of slavery and racism, within the white societies we live in.
It's complex and you'll never really find a perfect answer, its bound up in class, religion, imperialism, and language, I usually define it as if you're darker than a caucasian, then you're black no matter you're ancestry/cultural history, because that's how white society will view you, and if that's the case we (people of colour) can discuss the differences between us of how we are same same, but different, because we understand what it's like to be "other" within this country and how it feels to be discriminated against.
White society doesn't care about the distinctions, because " we all look the same".