Epic WTF

11:48pm at night. No cars on the road my car lights are dying but I'm chugging along to my first day.
11:49- keep jump starting my car but it keeps dying
11:49- portable battery is completely dead
11:49- dash lights for speed are off driving on high way at unknown speed. Speed limit 45 maybe I was going 60 maybe 90 with no headlights just flash light on my phone on the road can't see much
11:49- thinking "maybe this has something to do with my horoscope" maybe at 12am it will change
11:50- road curves I cash my car into a ditch my chest slams into steering wheel
11:51- 3.5 miles away from work better start running!
11:51- thinking how careless I am and no one will ever truly love me for who I am while paramore's "caught in the middle" says "I don't need anyone's help I can savatage me by myself" a truly existential tune fit for the moment at hand or as great philosophers of our time may say "what a mooood" this happens while I question my reality for the 27483th time in my life while a fierce sense of existential dread rushes over my entire body and consciousness. Thoughts of Neurosis and the need of my homosexual lover comes to mind. How I have intergraded them into my psyche to only fool myself into a trap of their existence and thoughts eating away at half my brain only to almost parasitcally call that part of my head the home of their existence for the remainder of mine. Anxiety rushes. Flight or fight except it has evolved with man into a complex orcastra of suicide or psychopathic traits of apathy.

time stamp unavailable at this time- I'm walking on the road talking to my roommate to come pick me up.
a car comes by the road where I am walking. I waive him down at this point I don't care if he's going to pick me up one to sexualize my existence and then cut me up to either eat me or dispose of me in a swap. He leaves. He comes back to pick me up ask what's up. I think he's a cop at first with his flash light. He's not. His name's chris. He drives me 4 minutes to my new place of movement and currency. I arrive in a europhic mess of existential abnormality a new story maybe now God with take me under his wing and let me in . Maybe now I matter a different level of meaninglessness. Maybe now I can live a new. Careless. I do not give up. That is my probable. Is it foundational? Can it change? Why do these topics come up a sign from God? Or boring reality?

Now was 16 minutes late for my first day at my new job, doing the grave yard shift. Tow truck fee over 150. I do not have much money as it is. This job was just supposed to supplement me . What is the real cost of accepting this job? What is the state of my car. How much is it going to be to repair? Why is this always happening an existential joke. Did God strike again? Why am I so different. I don't even do meth. Dignity is lost. It always has been. My sense of dignity has and is only an illusion. Posting this? What am I losing my dignity is gone, scratch, did it ever exist?

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