Chat about Novel Coronavirus - 2019-nCoV - COVID-19

Emergency installation of bidets is the long term solution

Hey that's my story!

my brother in law refused to help unblock the house toilet "because he only takes a shit at work so it wasn't him"...

A prince among men.

edit. when I say "house toilet" I mean his house toilet. Not mine, that would be weird.

only takes a shit at work

That's pretty serious dedication to being paid to poo if you can hold it all weekend...

Lewisham bog roll update; Lidl has nine-packs but no four packs except bougie Aloe Vera stuff. All anti bac hand soap sold out.

9 packs are the best value by far anyway. go 4 or 18 and you get pumped in the chutney.

and how the fuck have people still not realised antibacterial soap isn't going to kill a fucking virus?

isn't it? Poor guy's not up to much around the house tbh, but to be fair that might be a symptom of waddling about brewing a steesher all weekend and impeding the DIY skills.

Waitrose Bayswater still seems to be well stocked - presumably because it’s customers aren’t total fucking idiots

And they made a promise to Kondo

^ getting into work on Monday like...

Sod that. Two sheets folded over. Fold that again for an extra bonus wipe

getting into work on Monday like

Hahah!

I’m getting one of these:

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I suspect different kind of idiots. Why risk the supermarket when you can get it delivered...
We received a txt saying order change has been brought forward an hour.
Delivery lead has gone from a couple of days to over a week.

Why risk the supermarket when you can get it delivered by your maid

Pah women driving, whatever next.
They’ll be wanting tee times on Saturdays.

One sheet on the up stroke, one sheet on the down stroke and one to polish.

Reckon we get through half a roll a day between two of us. I have never scrimped.

Why do people think it’s going to run out? I don’t get it. I wouldn’t hoard it anyway. I’ve got dust sheets I can cut up in an emergency.

Waitrose beckenham sold out.

In wonder if Huel has seen a rise in orders?

Anyone panic buying buckets yet? For the waterless bucket toilets?

Went to Sainsbury's earlier - not a single hard hat! FFS

Why do people think it’s going to run out

Because most people don't have two week supply in the house, to tide over a self isolation quarantine.

I buy 45 rolls at a time and store them in my capacious cellar. With my FUCKING GOLF CLUBS, since you asked.

Can’t they just wash their bums rather than smearing?

Get some wet wipes

Ah...clean n fresh