Tales from the school yard.

John Cleese was expelled from my school.

Martina Topley Bird was in our school choir.

And fuck there was a ton of wrong shit at my school.

Teacher who tried it on with a boy who had developmental issues. Teacher was sent on 18month sabbatical in South America until the kid had left the school.

Recently a teacher was jailed for taking indecent photos and other crimes during the time I was there. This was despite many reports of inappropriate behaviour.

Teacher who was in love with a school matron, but not reciprocated killed himself.

Teacher who was very eccentric had his life ruined when he was accused of murdering a tennant and the press went into overdrive also accusing him of being a peeping tom.

The amazingly racist art teacher who would always tell stories during his class that featured a “blonde haired blue eyed aryan Roman Catholic” boy as the hero and the villain would always be called Ramdass but emphasised as rammed ass.

Teacher who would send pupils during class to the tuck shop to buy jelly babies but not to have any black bastards put in the bag. At a public event he apologised the headmaster wasn’t present as he was in chinky chonk land. He was also keen on throwing board rubbers at pupils, one day the intended recipient ducked and it smashed out the front teeth of another pupil.

The head of the music department who professed his love for a pupil and showed her the a level exam paper - even better was that his own daughter was in the same class but he didn’t help her cheat!

We had some violent teachers, when two of us told a friends mum about it she reported it to the school. We were then forced to apologise to her for telling lies despite the fact she had seen the bruises on me.

There was a kid left mildly brain damaged after another pupil purposefully threw a shot putt at his head.

The list goes on and on.