• We had an alcoholic maths teacher who was comically easy to pick pocket, a herculean former Olympian rower biology teacher with a short temper but an Achilles heel of blood pressure so high he’d pass out if anyone stood up to him, a lesbian PE teacher with a pathological obsession with purple and a kid who died in a gymnastics accident at a previous school that haunted her, a head/deputy head/technology teacher love triangle that made the front cover of the sun and a French teacher so weak her tormentors in chief were a year 9 kid who kept getting his dick out and another who kept nicking her engagement ring. God bless mid 90s Cornwall and its hilariously low educational standards. All that and I still got busted for dealing in year 9

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