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@Belagerent
A little handle bar bag could possible hold some of the gear you have in your Jersey pockets, allowing you to wear whatever type of top you would like. I think various companies make like, cycling polos that look a bit less Jersey like but still have pockets. To me they still look like too much but YMMV.
I think jorts atop bibs are a good move if you need the function of the pad but want the look of jorts. Also on the cargo shorts angle, Decathlon has a pair of bike shorts with pockets, not tried them yet but they seem promising.
https://www.decathlon.co.uk/rc500-bibless-shorts-black-id_8502467.html
Tie dying a jersey seems pretty fun but you might not get good results with sports fabrics so watch out.
Personally think jerseys are the wackiest piece of cycle clothing. I get why people wear them but it's not for me. When history is written they'll go down with fuel subsidies and poor urban planning as the things that held cycling back.