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  • I hate tote bags. WTF is the point? If you carry them by the handle, they swing about too much, are too low to the ground, they bang into your legs. If you try to carry them on your shoulder the handle is too short!!! Fuck's sake.

    And then they bang on about saving the world, when the real fucking problem is that no fucker ever remembers to take one shopping, so you just end up with 873 cotton tote bags which have taken a metric fuck litre of water to produce, as opposed to a plastic carrier that you can get a refund for from your Ocado driver, thus assuaging your white, privileged, middle-class guilt.

    What the world really needs is extra large musettes.

    That, or the human race to die out, quick smart. At least the rest of Earth's flora and fauna might have a chance then.

  • Musettes? Those flimsy things? As soon as you try to add a second baguette the handle tears off the bag and gets wrapped in your spokes.

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