I hate

Life is like a packet of Revels: you can generally tell what you're gonna get by the shape and size of the item in question.

Noisy freehub bodies. Guy in front of me tonight on a pair of Fulcrums or whatever, and each time he backed off his freehub sounded like a box of cicadas. A big fuck-off box of cicadas, in fact. How do people put up with that sodding noise?

I like it. Ideally amplified through spokes tightly tensioned into deep carbon rims.

Superbly obnoxious.

‘GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU CUNTS - HERE I COME WITH MY LOUD WHEELS’

If it gets this reaction it’s winning.

Also better than a bell as a way of alerting other people to your presence.

Nothing is better than a bell. Humans instinctively seem to know what a bicycle bell is. All of my bikes I use in town have bells on now, seriously.

Yes, I’m old.

While we are on the subject of Americans.
Pronunciation.
"Monty Pie Thon"
Really? I mean, I am not a fan but they don't deserve that shash.

When you stop at the lights and the person behind you stops too slowly so their tyre touches yours, but not that, instead it slides down, rubbing against your own with a sensual friction.

After I have to shower.

Bike frottage?

"Monty Pie Thon"

That is how the narrator said it in the opening credits:
"Monty Pie Thon's Flying Sir Cuss"

I hate how they say pasta.

Parhhsta. Utter, utter idiots.

Aluminium

'erbs

Americans can pronounce things however they wish as long as they don’t say ‘niche’ to rhyme with ‘itch’. Fucking hell that gets on my nerves.

You can match that with anyone pronouncing clique as “click”

Never seeming to be able to make the correct decision on whether to fully rouse from slumber to have a piss, possibly not then getting back to sleep anything remotely resembling straight away OR continue to 'sleep' in discomfort, sometimes not sleeping for an hour or so, especially with a PB, and wishing you'd just got up.amdade the 12 step journey to the bog; typically, depending on time of year, still dark = piss, getting light = sleep

It’s academic for me as I’m usually woken up by a child before then, but if you decide to sleep on you also have to suffer the infuriating dreams where you think you’ve just gone for a piss then you wake up a bit and realise you haven’t and you still need a piss.

Mind you, I guess it’s worse when you dream you’ve gone for a piss and then wake up and realise you no longer need a piss....

Ah yes, the swamp monster.....having a one and two year old makes it worse - the thought of sacrificing actual time in bed for something as frivolous of having a wee is too much

People who wave goodbye

What?

Please elaborate.

rouse from slumber to have a piss, possibly not then getting back to sleep anything remotely resembling straight away OR continue to 'sleep' in discomfort

Why either?

I'll tell you something cuntish about that. When I worked at Sunninghill Park and the Duke of York was still married to the Duchess; she would get all the house staff with her and the girls on the doorstep of the house. As the Duke was driven away from the house the doorstep ensemble would wave white linen handkerchiefs at the him. A naval tradition apparently. Cunts.

A picture of Fergie and the staff.

Something along the lines of when Hershey was first making chocolate there was no good refrigeration method which meant the milk that was used was sour.

Indeed, but it's mostly down to the US being fucking huge. Back in the early 1900s it took too long for the milk to get from dairy farms to the chocolate factories without the milk going sour. The UK never had this problem as it was only a few hundred miles at most. Hershey's got the dairy farmers to add butyric acid and the US-ians were brought up on chocolate that tasted that way. Ugh.

What I can’t understand is eventually tasting literally any other chocolate and not immediately thinking ‘oh! This is chocolate! what the actual fuck is this congealed bile I’ve been somehow keeping down?!’

Salt licorice tho...