I hate

The general public annoy me greatly.

Have you considered a career in law enforcement?

Few things beat a fry up and pint of Guinness before your early flight.

It's an immutable British right to eat a full English breakfast washed down with 4 pints of strong Continental lager at 4am before catching a flight to Spain.

When I flew to Nuremburg the other day I was impressed at how pissed the majority of people in Stansted were, that early in the day.

When my phone got destroyed and I have no other mobile devices capable of accepting the sim* because of stupid cunting network locks so I'm locked out of a bunch of my accounts because 2 step verification is apparently so infallible for these companies theres no need to offer any kind of backup for when you are unable to access your phone. shitting fucking cunt twats.

*well technically I do because it works in my ipad pro for data but guess what, a fucking £900 cellular ipad with a sim tray is completely unable to receive texts or voice calls because apple are a bunch of bollockheaded gouging cocksockets.

The iPad SMS thing is fucking annoying and clearly not consistently implemented.

EE regularly send promotional SMS messages to my iPad but can I receive an SMS from them to verify adding the SIM to my online account? Can I fuck!

How is it that they can send me adverts but I can't receive any other messages?

How is it that they can send me adverts but I can't receive any other messages?

because apple are a bunch of bollockheaded gouging cocksockets.

bollockheaded gouging cocksockets

Vivid on so many levels.
Also, sorry for your pain.

Can’t you just get one of your locked phones unlocked from any high street independent repair phone shop?

1. People who ask “Why do you always wear black?”
   
2. People who ask “Why do you always wear black?” while I’m wearing navy blue.
   
   

Umm, to weed out the people who ask such inane questions. 🖕🏻

When lovely little old ladies come to your door trying to sell you Jesus. There’s just no satisfaction to be had in being rude to them.

Oh there is - not too rude, but just enough.

I quite enjoy answering the door holding my 1 year old, and acting really exhasperated. Soiled nappy in free hand optional.

Hahaha! You win. 3 year-olds and 6 year-olds just want to talk to them.

"No, mini-c00pses, daddy wants to shut the door in the woman's face because he thinks she's talking rubbish."

The worst thing is the eldest then goes through the whole "Why don't you believe in God?" routine. Fuck you, doorstep preachers.

Oh yes, and the Jehovah’s Witnesses now ambush me just outside the station now too, with their little pop-up stand. Grrr...

Years ago I perfected the art of hovering two inches above the door mat, slowly revolving my head through a full 360 while spouting gibberish and foaming at the mouth.
Don't tend to get bothered these days - which is just as well as that sort of thing does take it out of you when you get to my age.

That's pretty much your own fault for flying from Stansted though. (Plus the wetherspoons app means you can get the beers in without leaving your seat.)

Only place that had a direct flight to Nuremburg, pain for me to get to Stansted but flying from a proper airport meant connecting.

eldest

Not wanting to be a dick about it, but it's probably good that they are challenging orthodoxy... even if it's yours.

My dad always invites them in for coffee and debates their interpretation of the bible. He once started to convince the younger of the pair, at which point the elder moved them on.

Overall they're harmless and a million times better than the sorts outside Brixton St.

Nuremberg is only an hour from Munich by train. Probably easier and more pleasant to get a German train than go to Stansted.

you could just not answer the door...

No direct train from Munich airport to Nuremburg.

Oh shit yeah, would be from Hbf not airport. Good point. Makes it fiddlier for sure.

Having to spend the last week of February in Nuremburg every year, I’ve spent more time than is healthy working out travel options. Sadly, the Ryanair flight from Stansted wins.

Not wanting to be a dick about it...

Absolutely not at all - on the contrary. I agree she should challenge things. One of my problems is she won't challenge her teacher at school, who went to great pains to explain the Christmas story and its relevance to her and her beliefs and is now doing the same with Easter. Now I get "because Mrs X said so" as a response.

I have always said to her I will not tell her what to believe (cards on the table: I am probably right on the line between atheism and agnosticism - I don't believe in a God, but haven't completely closed my mind to the possibility, however small I think that is, that there might be something more to what an awful lot of people believe ,even if it doesn't manifest itself in the same way that they believe it - it's just the majority of evidence that I have weighed up points to the no camp). It should be noted her maternal grandfather is also an ordained vicar in the Church of Wales - but mummy is not of the same opinion. But to explain my particular position and experiences and those of Mrs c00ps to a six year-old, doesn't exactly go very far at the moment.

tl:dr - You're not being one - but you already knew that

People stealing cutlery from the work kitchen. Listen, take as many notebooks and boxes of tissues as you like from the stationery cupboard but you are taking the piss if you walk off with all the forks (it's almost always forks). I did an order to replenish these a while ago and included a sharp paring knife because people like to cut up salads/fruit when they're having lunch. Literally 2 days after it arrived someone had stolen it and everyone was reduced to hacking up tomatoes and apples with table knives again.

What do people do with these forks? I presume they just kept them at their desks due to never being able to find a fork in the kitchen as everyone kept them at their desks?