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Maybe I'm being unfair.
There are some grey times. When it's upto the racers at the scene.
But still...
It is hard to get it exactly right all the time, which is the weakness of the principles-based approach. And to be honest, there is more of an attitude of us all in it together in the middle of the race that there ever would be at the sharp end where you have been where someone challenging for a win cannot afford not to be totally clean.
When the guy in Australia asked me for a cable tie, I could have said no. We didn't have brevet cards so I couldn't ask him for that, but, if I had done I reckon he would have just told me to fuck off, got one from someone else and formed a less favourable impression of pommies than before. Also, it's a little bit different out there as, while he could get another one in the next town, the next town is 2,500km away.
When one guy asked for and received minor help from another in front of me in 2016, they joked about assistance, so they were aware of what they were doing but clearly considered it to be too minor. I could have made an issue of it but I expect they would have thought I was being a dick. So the prevailing culture won't necessarily get to the right result.
Riding side by side for a few hours is fine, but if she is relying on your light that would obviously be against rules. And unfair to you if you are slowing down so she can keep up.
Official position would be she should surrender her card to you. I wonder if it has ever actually happened in practice