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It is not even just that, a campaign of violence on both sides obviously broke trust. So first people need to trust each other before you can hammer out practical plans.
NI is still stuck in the "two communities" model in that aspect, young people that didn't live through the violence are not as distrustful. But if you look at the voting patterns, it's the same old **** atm.
And ROI doesn't want a barely won border poll, they probably want a good 60/40 with a good turnout. I rather see it take a little longer with more talking and consent to reduce the risk for more bitterness, but well... a hard messy Brexit will potentially force it forwards.
The English hard-brexit nationalists don't care about NI or Scotland anyway, so there's that. Perhaps in the long run it is for the best, but right now with the DUP just plainly refusing to really help plan for the eventuality it's going to get messy I think. SF and others are getting all enthousiastic, but I am sometimes not sure they take the people that are still distrustful really on board.
It is not an easy situation.
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JWestland
Indeed, I think most people are only aware of the IRA and not so much the UVF/UDA.
Going all in one way or the other is going to piss off at least one group with guns and bombs.