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You should be starting with the stoker completely ready to go, providing 90% of the torque off the line. Captain must be happy with getting feet sorted while moving, especially clipless.
Ah, that's interesting. It felt like my girlfriend was pedalling off before I got a chance to get my feet sorted. We were trying to pedal off at the same time.
Weird though, we had no trouble with me on the front aside from the first two or three attempts to set off. And in those instances low speed wobble was definitely a factor - I would have had nearly as much trouble alone I think.
I'm guessing it's a good idea to be able to do both positions, in case the captain hurts themselves or something, which is what prompted us to try it the other way!
frankenbike-
Starting together is level 2 tandem skillz, useful but not essential. The captain should not be relying on the stoker for holding the bike up at all while stopped.
Bicycles steer through weight movement and the captain has the control of this because they have the steering input. (Not the whole story, really not the point here! Ironically the 'steering' is mostly for balancing rather than steering.) Fat captain means the twitches of the stoker change the CoM less.
It's certainly illuminating for the captain to know how to stoke, and vice versa.
hamrack
You should be starting with the stoker completely ready to go, providing 90% of the torque off the line. Captain must be happy with getting feet sorted while moving, especially clipless.
Best way to get your head around being a stoker is to be captained first by someone bigger (and uglier) who you trust. Their beef will reduce your impact but its the trust that's most important. Close your eyes/stare at their back, whatever you need to just sit there and let the captain balance the bike.
I can always tell when the better part of my team is spooked by my captaining because she can physically steer the bike just by involuntarily shifting her weight towards the kerb. This makes her invaluable to particularly slow/fast manoeuvring but that's next level.