Crap 'Buzzwords'

Borrow a quote from @WjPrince :

Congrats on a great super-competency engagement

That's actually perfect in this situation...

'Congrats' is a dog shit of a word isn't it

"Let me be perfectly clear..."

Not the latest marketing dross, but ‘from the get-go’ is an expression that I cannot abide.

Just now:

"I have facilitated this for yourself".

I had to deal with a Project Manager who spoke like this all the time. It was a constant battle to not strangle him.

No one knows how to use the reflexive these days. Inaccurate use of ‘yourself’ sneaked over from Ireland about 20 years ago and has taken hold. I blame Father Ted.

"snacking on advertising and content."

I'm looking into this because I'm sure I've seen a blog about how it actually has a longer history.

It has a weird nuance to it... it's like saying 'you' is too direct, so 'yourself' impersonalises it a bit for business speak

I agree. It reeks a bit of call centre speak, where they liberally insert "today" into every sentence as if to imply that the work is very dynamic and they might not have been able to do it yesterday or tomorrow.

"Right, I'll be able to make that change for you today Mr Wankensplitz. Can I take the first line of your address please?"

I dunno. All industries have their own registers. My sister used to work in airports as ground staff and later as cabin crew. She could do the announcements perfectly with that odd intonation that was nothing like her normal voice.

This is a last and FINAL call for all passengers travelling on flight CR07 to Funchal.

Yes, it's like referring to 'you' carries some kind of confrontation - being singled out for something. I imagine it's similar to how people can never bring themselves to say they 'want' you to do something:

I want you to concentrate on that report this week

vs

That report has to be your highest priority this week

I get why you'd use one over the other (especially when written down), but 'yourself' thing is out of place as it's not something you could naturally say.

doorstomanualcabincrewtocrosscheck

Down with this sort of thing.

Calling a statement of work a "sow".

I referred to 'crossing the Rubicon' on a work call earlier, no one knew what I meant, and made jokes about canned drinks.

Millennials eh.

Apologies if I have posted this before, but my old coach finds great joy in laughing at all the "new" fitness terminology that is simply renaming very common practises as if they're something revolutionary, eg "fasted cardio" or as he would put it "going for a run before breakfast".

Also, I work in a team as a freelancer from time to time, the project manager often describes putting people onto a job as "activating bodies" - as in, "we need to activate some bodies on level 6" or "we need more bodies on X".
I mean, can you at least pretend you don't see us as sub human.

Our HR department made us start filling in timesheets a few years ago, when they were deciding how many of us to make redundant, and when they sent round the email telling us how to log in, we had to log in as "resource#284729" where the number was your resource number, instead of your actual name.

My boss got a load of t-shirts printed up for us with our resource numbers on the front

Fucking 'asset'...
Everything is an asset.

Except you
Your a fucking liability son

Yeah, you

^weak post

^ and ^^ Ha

People talking about the key 'takeaway' and not meaning the local chippy.

"Can you get him in a head lock or arm lock...?"

It's not the WWF here...