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@Dammit
Apparently my cables are a crime against humanity, so I need to get those shortened forthwith.
I will however fiercely resist moving my brake levers to a horizontal position.
The pedals do make me feel a deep, corrosive shame - but they're a means to an end.
I am very much enjoying learning to MTB, it's currently the only cycling I do - the rest of the time I am running (away from being fat, mainly).