• Closest transcription I can make is:-

    КОНТаКТБІ НеДОСТУПНЫ. ЧТОЫ ПОЛУЧИТЬ ДОСТУП К КОНТаКТаМ, ВЫПОЛНИТе СПарИВаНИе С ТеЛеФОНОМ И ЗаГрУЗИТе ТеЛеФОННУЮ КНИГУ. ВИрТУаЛбНыЙ СЕКС бЛИЖе, чем ТЫ думаеШЬ.

    Google translate does a half arsed job on that. I think the main bit is about "Contact(s) not available. To get contact pair with phone and download the phone book"

    The punchline is along the lines of "Virtual Sex is easier than you think"

    It might be much more nuanced and funnier with a proper translation.

  • The key element of the joke is that in Russian 'to pair' is the same word as 'to mate'. Hence the joke is alleging that 'virtual sex is closer than you think' because the device is asking you to 'mate'
    I hope this makes a bit more sense now?..

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