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This is really handy advice - my other half has had a few goes, my first experiences riding with a pillion, and its been really hard work on the arms. She's mostly been grabbing me as I found that more confidence inspiring (if I tip her off on a RAB i'll definitely be in trouble with her mum), but I have a grab rail and a strap so we'll try those next time.
jackbepablo
More advanced pillion techniques help with this. One of the best for pillion and rider is pillions hands on their own knees, they can use their thighs to keep themselves back on the set and it's easier for the pillion to balance their weight. Thing is you need to lean with the rider to steer the bike in the corners so it's easier if your pillion feels comfortable with that feeling.
It's quite nice to ride really slowly if your pillion is all over you, build their confidence slowly. You'll miss the day when they felt the need to be hugging you so tight. :)
As far as noticing a pillion I would say I normally do, there have been times on long tours where they get involved and the weight disappears but generally I notice that weight on the back.