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The intercoms certainly help. Had them for a trip round NZ and it kept us very sane and happy. I've got a pair in London but the bike's not even insured for pillion as I barely ride it enough myself these days. Plus it's a 40 year old bike with original suspension so I'm happy not to stress the springs any more than necessary.
Ah yes I forgot about hands on knees, I’ve used it when being the pillion. She’s ok with leaning (been riding a 125 scooter to work) but was shitting it a bit at the wind noise over 50mph. Not helped by it being a very windy day down here.
The hugging is fine, just not the pressure on my wrists!
I’m glad we waited till we had intercoms though, I could explain what was about to happen and she gradually relaxed. The biker side-nod thing helped there too. Apparently very amusing!