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Ah yes I forgot about hands on knees, I’ve used it when being the pillion. She’s ok with leaning (been riding a 125 scooter to work) but was shitting it a bit at the wind noise over 50mph. Not helped by it being a very windy day down here.
The hugging is fine, just not the pressure on my wrists!
I’m glad we waited till we had intercoms though, I could explain what was about to happen and she gradually relaxed. The biker side-nod thing helped there too. Apparently very amusing!
Dramatic_Hammer-
The intercoms certainly help. Had them for a trip round NZ and it kept us very sane and happy. I've got a pair in London but the bike's not even insured for pillion as I barely ride it enough myself these days. Plus it's a 40 year old bike with original suspension so I'm happy not to stress the springs any more than necessary.
Airhead
More advanced pillion techniques help with this. One of the best for pillion and rider is pillions hands on their own knees, they can use their thighs to keep themselves back on the set and it's easier for the pillion to balance their weight. Thing is you need to lean with the rider to steer the bike in the corners so it's easier if your pillion feels comfortable with that feeling.
It's quite nice to ride really slowly if your pillion is all over you, build their confidence slowly. You'll miss the day when they felt the need to be hugging you so tight. :)
As far as noticing a pillion I would say I normally do, there have been times on long tours where they get involved and the weight disappears but generally I notice that weight on the back.